Having Her: Lies We Tell, Book 2 Page 18

  Yeah, she missed the sex all right. But mainly what she missed was Vin. Especially when she’d texted him after the appointment with the doctor and all she’d gotten in return was a Good.

  Stupid love. She still hadn’t fully processed that little emotion which was perhaps for the best since clearly it just plain sucked.

  And when Ellie turned up on her doorstep the night after walking out on Hunter, she decided that she’d go on not processing it quite happily since Ellie’s pain distracted her from her own. Besides, she’d always found it easier to give support to someone else than receive it herself, so she let her friend talk about what was happening with Hunter. And kept quiet about her own news. She didn’t want to tell Ellie until it was certain. Until she had no choice.

  Later that night, the pair of them went out to a bar for a few farewell drinks, Kara managing to do a bit of tricky water substitution for her vodka shots. Vin joined them a bit later but his presence only added tension to an atmosphere that really didn’t need it.

  He didn’t say much, sitting in the booth seat nursing a beer, a dark look on his face. And of course her stupid body leapt into aching life in reaction. Images of that night in her bathroom unreeling like an erotic movie inside her head. The pain and the pleasure. And the exquisite relief. His arms around her, holding her…

  She told herself to ignore him. To treat him the way she’d always done. Ellie’s controlling big brother.

  Who just happens to be the father of your child.

  Kara found herself putting a hand over her belly under the table. And as she did so, she caught Vin’s gaze from across the table. She lifted her chin. “Problem?”

  He glanced over to the bar where Ellie was waiting to order another round of drinks, then glanced meaningfully at the glass in front of her. “That better not be vodka.”

  “What do you think I am? Stupid? I’ve been drinking water all damn evening.”

  He remained silent, long fingers moving absently up and down the side of the beer bottle. It was kind of erotic so she had to look away.

  An awkward silence fell.

  “You haven’t told Ellie?” she said after a moment, desperate to break the silence.

  “No. Should I have?”

  “I wanted to wait until after the twelve-week mark. Until everything is…y’know, certain.”

  Another pause.

  “What about Hunter? Have you told him?”

  Vin’s look darkened still further. “No. I haven’t.”

  Kara stared at him, hearing the rough note in his voice. Oh man, was there trouble between the two of them? Certainly sounded as if there was. And there was only one reason for that: he’d found out his best friend had been with his sister.

  Actually, now she thought about it, there’d been tension between Ellie and Vin tonight as well. For the same reason?

  “You know, don’t you?” Kara said bluntly. “About her and Hunter.”

  Vin’s expression became a hard mask. “Yeah, I know.”

  The movement of his fingers on the bottle stilled and Kara found herself looking once again at his hands. At the healing skin on his knuckles. And remembering the aura of leashed violence around him the night he’d come to her and found her in the bathroom.

  Oh shit.

  “You found out the day I told you about the baby, didn’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Vin, did you hurt him?”

  “It’s none of your goddamn business.”

  “So those marks on your knuckles came from something else. A wall maybe.” She didn’t know why it was important to get an answer from him. Perhaps because it seemed inconceivable that Vincent Fox would lose control enough to hit someone. Especially his best mate.

  The expression on his face hardened even more. Which told her everything she needed to know. Yes, he had hurt Hunter. And yes, he was deeply ashamed of the fact.

  “Vin—”

  “I don’t want to talk about it, Kara.”

  “Like I didn’t want to talk about my bloody family. But I did. Because you asked me.”

  “You didn’t have to.”

  “No, but I did anyway.”

  “Why?”

  “Because after that night you found me in the bathroom, I thought I owed you an explanation.”

  “Oh and now you think I owe you one?”

  “Well, don’t you?”

  “I don’t fucking think so.”

  But she refused to be daunted. “Why? You ashamed that you got angry? That you lashed out?”

  His hands fell away from the beer bottle and he put them under the table. “This isn’t the time, baby girl.”

  “I’m not a baby girl. I’m the mother of your freaking child.”

  Something flashed over his face. An expression she couldn’t read. He glanced at the bar again. Ellie was leaning against it, talking to the barman.

  “Yeah, I hit him,” Vin said roughly. “I beat the shit out of him.” His gaze came back to hers. “And yeah, I’m ashamed of it. Wouldn’t you be?”

  Sympathy twisted inside her. Because in his place, yes, she would have been. “The baby announcement can’t have helped.”

  “No, but that’s no excuse.”

  “Everyone makes mistakes, Vin.”

  He turned his head again, looking over at his sister who was returning with the drinks. “I don’t expect you to understand. But mistakes are the one thing I can’t afford to make.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Vin walked out of the airport departures area to find Kara waiting for him, leaning against the Corvette in the drop-off zone. She had major panda-eyes, mascara running over her cheeks.

  “What?” she said, looking defensive. “I’m crying. Big deal. My best friend—shit, my only friend—has just left for a couple of years overseas. So sue me.”

  “I thought you didn’t cry.”

  “I didn’t.” Her chin lifted. “At least not until some guy bit me on the neck and screwed my brains out on my bathroom vanity.”

  He could see past the defensiveness this time. Could see the grief in her eyes. Shit, he felt it too. Only partly mitigated by the conversation he’d had with Hunter after the guy had turned up when Ellie went through the gates.

  His best friend loved his sister. Was willing to give up everything to be with her. And man, the taste of humble pie was terrible. Still, he had to hand it to his friend. Hunter had some pretty dark stuff in his past but he’d faced it. Come through it. And all so he could be with Ellie. You had to respect a man for that. Even though it was going to mean yet more work for Vin in sorting out what was going to happen with the business. But then that’s what he did, wasn’t it? He sucked it up. Dealt with it.

  “Did you want anything in particular?” he asked, leaning against the red metal of his car. Relief would hit him soon. Relief that Ellie was gone, that the worry that had been his constant companion for so many years would finally lift. But along with that relief would come the guilt, not to mention the fact that he was going to miss her.

  Her and Hunter. In one fell swoop he’d lost the only family he’d ever had.

  His throat felt tight, choked with something that tasted an awful lot like loneliness.

  “I thought,” Kara said softly, “that you might want some company. Seeing as Ellie’s gone. Unless of course, you and Hunter—”

  “Hunter’s gone too.”

  Her eyes widened, a rim of dark brown showing around her deep gold contacts. “What do you mean Hunter’s gone too?”

  “He followed her onto the plane. I spoke to him just ten minutes ago as he went through the gates. I assume she doesn’t know he’s coming.”

  A grin turned her lovely mouth, making the blunt edges of the loneliness inside him feel sharp all of a sudden. “Damn. Guess he came through for her after all. God, I can just imagine her face when he turns up.”

  “Yeah. Wonderful.”

  Her grin faded. Shit. She must have picked up on the stupid, pathetic note in h
is voice. “Then you really must need company.”

  “I’ve got work to do, Kara. I can’t afford to stand around—”

  “Drop me off at the café. I’ll make you an espresso.”

  For a moment, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to be around her right now. Her smile. Her warmth. They were dangerous. Her sexy and naked at his feet, that he could handle. Her crying and lost in his arms, yeah, he could handle that too.

  Her smiling at him and offering company? When he felt lonely? Nope.

  “Like I said, I have work.”

  Something flickered in her eyes. “Okay, so maybe I could use the company too.”

  “Kara…”

  “Please, Vin.”

  So quiet he almost missed it. But the mascara tracks down her cheeks spoke for themselves as did the liquid shine of her tears.

  He let out a breath. “Hop in then.”

  She grinned, brighter than before. And turned to get in the car.

  “Wait,” he ordered.

  “What?”

  “Your hair. It’s purple.” He hadn’t noticed it in the dim light of the bar the night before but now, with the sun lighting up the rich gold, the dark streaks were obvious.

  “So?”

  “I don’t like it.”

  Kara rolled her eyes. “Who cares whether you like it or not? We’re done with sleeping together anyway, right?”

  No.

  The denial was instinctive and hit him out of the blue. Yeah, he hadn’t been to see her the past couple of days but that was because Ellie was leaving and work had been a nightmare. Plus he’d already decided that the master/slave fantasy was over. He couldn’t do it, not knowing she was pregnant. It felt wrong somehow.

  But that didn’t mean he didn’t want her.

  In fact, just looking at her now, leaning against the red metal of his car, her purple and gold hair loose down her back, she was so goddamned sexy. She wore a little pleated school-girl skirt today, along with a tight, white blouse. No tights or stockings, just long golden legs with black biker boots. She had a couple of buttons of her white blouse undone, revealing the purple lace of her bra. Not that the buttons needed to be undone in order to see that—it was obvious under the white cotton.

  Weird and slutty, his better self said. His cock, on the other hand, was totally okay with her choice of outfit. Hot and sexy, it thought.

  “Yes,” he said aloud, because saying it aloud made it true. “We’re done sleeping together.”

  Kara lifted a shoulder. “Great.” And she opened the door and got in.

  Yeah. Great.

  If he told himself that often enough, then maybe his goddamned dick would get the message.

  Kara put the takeaway coffee cup down on Vin’s desk. “There you go, one black espresso, two sugars.”

  Perhaps she should have taken the hint and left him alone at the airport. But she hadn’t been able to. The expression on his face as he’d said goodbye to his sister had been set and grim. And she’d got the idea by now that he looked like that when he was protecting himself.

  And if she felt sad at Ellie’s departure, then he must be feeling pretty shitty about it too.

  So it made sense for them to feel shitty together.

  At least that’s what she told herself. Totally not anything to do with the fact that she missed him, a nagging ache that wouldn’t seem to go away.

  Vin grabbed the coffee and pushed his chair back, stretching out his long, denim-clad legs. “Who’s watching the café then?” he asked as he raised the cup to his mouth.

  “Tom. I’ll have to go back in an hour.” She watched as he took a sip. “Good?”

  “Yeah.” He took another sip, eyes narrowing as she hitched herself up on the edge of his desk. “Have you made any decisions about the baby yet?”

  Kara let out a breath. Over the past couple of nights she’d thought about it, stressing about how she was going to cope with the café. The financial side of it already wasn’t good, adding a kid to the mix only made it worse. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to do the sums because she knew that whichever way she looked at it, unless she had a huge injection of cash, the business was going to tank.

  She wrapped her hand around her latte, the heat of the cup warming her suddenly cold fingers. “No, not yet.”

  “Should you be having that coffee?”

  Kara scowled. “I’m giving up alcohol. No way I’m giving up caffeine.”

  His gaze had dropped down to the bare expanse of her thigh, her skirt having ridden up due to her position on the desk. “And what about the café? How are you going to manage that?”

  She liked the way he looked at her, no denying it. But she’d meant it when she’d told him they were done sleeping together. No point muddying the waters with sex. Especially the kind of sex they’d been having.

  Wishing she’d worn a longer skirt, Kara pulled on the hem, trying not to look too obvious about it. “I don’t know yet. But I’m sure I’ll figure it out.”

  Abruptly his eyes lifted to hers, sharp and focused. “What do you need? Money? Extra staff?”

  Her defensiveness kicked in, she couldn’t help it. “Like I said, I’ll figure it out.”

  “Don’t be stubborn about this, Kara. If you need help, ask for it.”

  “I’m not being stubborn.”

  “Bullshit, you’re not.” He put his coffee down and leaned forward, elbows on the desk. “Do you even want to keep the café?”

  She could feel herself beginning to bristle. “Of course I want to keep it. It’s my business.”

  “Why? It’s not like it’s a roaring success.”

  “Hey, what the hell would you know?”

  “You hardly have any customers and Ellie told me you’re struggling.”

  Kara stared at him in shock. “Ellie told you?”

  He didn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed. “I asked her.”

  Making a mental note to kill her friend at the earliest opportunity, Kara gave him a disgusted glance. “Jesus, Vincent—”

  “Don’t be so bloody defensive,” he cut her off with his customary bluntness. “I had to know because this concerns me too.”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Your business is failing and you’re fighting a losing battle. Trying keep it afloat at the same time as bringing up a child is a recipe for ruin. Believe me, I know this. I’ve done it.”

  Kara struggled with her outrage at his arrogance. And also with a strange sense of relief that she wasn’t alone. That someone else knew exactly what she was going through. It wasn’t something she experienced very often. “Oh yeah, and you’re so ruined.” She gestured at the office around them. “Looks like one hell of a ruin to me.”

  Vin’s hard gaze didn’t flinch. “Because I took on a shitload of debt and worked my ass off. Because I didn’t see my sister for years I was working so damn hard. Because I had Hunt to look after her. You want that for our kid? I sure as hell don’t and I don’t think you do either.”

  Well, no, of course she didn’t. Her mother had given her such a great example of what not to do after all.

  She swallowed and looked away from him, glancing down at the coffee in her hands. “Why me? Why can’t you give up your bloody business?” Even as she said it, she knew how childish it sounded. Not to mention stupid. Fox Chase was successful and growing. He’d be mad to give it up.

  “You think I’m not giving up stuff?” he said in a low voice. “I am. I’m going to have to can the architecture degree I planned to start this year.”

  She glanced back at him. “Architecture degree?”

  This time it was his turn to look away. “Yeah. I want Fox Chase to be able to offer the total package. Design and build. And I wanted to specialize in green building. But I don’t have the skills yet.”

  “You can’t hire an architect?”

  “No. I want to do it.” A small hesitation. “It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. I’ve
just never had the chance.”

  And now he wouldn’t. Thanks to their stupid affair.

  She didn’t know what to say. Looking back at her hands once again, she eventually said, “I don’t want to give up the café. Because if I did…” She stopped. Because every little piece of herself she gave him felt like she was making herself even more vulnerable. “I’m not sure what else I would do.”

  He was quiet a moment. “What else did you want to do?”

  “I…don’t know.” Slowly she turned the cup in her hands. “I liked drawing cartoons. That’s all I was any good at in school. Just stupid little drawings. And then I got a part time job in a café and I got quite good at making coffee too. Then I read about the Japanese manga café culture so I thought I’d get one going here. Especially since it combined the two things I kind of enjoyed.”

  “That’s not what I asked, Kara.”

  She bit her lip. “I told you. I don’t know what I want to do. The café earned me some money and I was okay with that.” At least she’d been happy. But now the status quo was upset. Now she would have to reconsider things. Her unease deepened. She’d never had much in the way of ambition at school. Never let herself have any. Because wanting something was too hard and she’d had too many rejections in her life to contemplate reaching for more.

  The café had been a safe choice, she saw now. Because here she was, contemplating giving it up, and yet her fear wasn’t about losing it, it was about not knowing what else to do.

  “But it’s not earning you money now and being okay with something is hardly a life.” Vin’s words were uncompromising and uncomfortable. “What about those cartoons then?”

  “Sure. Like drawing manga is a smart career choice.” She shifted on the desk. “It’s a moot point. Since I’m going to have a kid, I won’t be having much of a life anyway.”

  “Don’t be stupid. It’s not that cut and dried. Kids aren’t the end of your life.”

  “Right back at ya, buddy.” She put her cooling latte down on the desk. “Kids and architecture school aren’t mutually exclusive either.”

  “But they are if you have a full time job and other responsibilities. And if you want to spend any time at all with them.”