Sin for Me Page 7

  Rachel, spotting her lack of enthusiasm, raised an eyebrow. “You wear a sexy bra underneath it and nothing else. I guarantee it’ll look amazing.” She waved the clothing at her. “Try it, go on.”

  Zoe pulled a face, but took the clothes.

  She trusted Rachel’s judgment on this, because Rachel took the hot-but-tough look and basically made it her bitch. Zoe wanted it to be her bitch too.

  Gideon had promised to take her to Anonymous tomorrow and she was pretty sure he’d only give her one shot at this. Which meant she really needed to not screw it up. It was either that or she was stuck in the apartment like Rapunzel in her tower until Gideon told her it was safe to come out. If indeed those threats he kept talking about were true, and since he seemingly wouldn’t give her any reasons to back up his suspicions, she was doubtful.

  At the thought of Gideon, a pulse of something distinctly warm shot through her and she had to busy herself with the laces of her sneakers in order to hide her hot face.

  The past couple of days had been hell, no two ways about it.

  After he’d proved his point in her bedroom, she’d pretty much stayed in there the rest of the day, too embarrassed and shocked to leave. She hadn’t wanted him to know how much he’d affected her, but looking him in the eye would have given herself away as bad as avoiding him. So avoiding him it was.

  She’d sat in her room, distracting herself playing computer games, trying not to replay every word he’d spoken to her over and over again. Trying not to remember the heat of his body or the way it had felt to be on her back with him over her, his arms on either side of her head. Staring down at her with that unfamiliar hot darkness in his eyes as he’d said those . . . things to her.

  Shocking things. Terrible things.

  Sexy things.

  Because yes, despite herself and her efforts to be cool, they’d shocked her. They’d also turned her on.

  With every word Gideon had said, an image had popped into her head. Of him doing those things to her. Of being turned over his knee and having his hand on her again, this time without her jeans on. Without anything on.

  “If you were a very bad girl, I’d make you suck it instead.”

  Clearly she was insane or some kind of masochist, because he’d obviously been telling her that stuff to scare her off. And sure, it was scary. In fact, come to think of it, he’d suddenly seemed pretty scary himself, which was weird since she’d never felt afraid around Gideon. In fact, it had all sounded pretty intense and she wasn’t sure she was ready for any of that.

  Yet it had also been intensely hot, and part of her had been panting for it.

  Not that he’s ever going to do any of that to you.

  Yeah, well, exactly. So why she kept thinking about it was anyone’s guess.

  Gideon was a lost cause. Far better to go for a guy who actually wanted her.

  Zoe kicked her shoes off and stood up, shucking her jeans down and reaching for the skirt. She pulled it up and fastened the zipper, staring down at herself. “Seems to fit.”

  Rachel gave her a critical look. “Top.”

  Yanking off her T-shirt, she grabbed the lace top, tugging it down. Her bra was an attractive flesh shade so not particularly sexy, but that could be fixed.

  She held her arms out. “Well?”

  Rachel got up off the couch, surveying her from a couple of different angles. “What’s the purpose of this again?”

  “I want to find a guy.”

  “Why?”

  Stupidly Zoe felt herself blushing. “Because I’m sick of being a virgin.”

  “Nothing wrong with virginity.”

  “Sure. When you’re not the one who’s the virgin.” She couldn’t keep the sharp sound out of her tone.

  Rachel’s gaze narrowed. “Ah. It’s like that, is it?”

  Defensive, Zoe scowled. God, was she destined not to be taken seriously by anyone? “Like what? I’m twenty-five, Rach. I’m the oldest virgin in the entire world.”

  “Uh-huh.” Rachel stopped in front of her and folded her arms. “And that’s not dramatic at all.”

  It was. Kind of. But when you were virtually a prisoner in your own apartment, everything was dramatic. Still, she wasn’t going to tell Rachel that. She’d briefly toyed with the idea of complaining to the others about what Gideon was doing, but she had a feeling that Zee and Levi would be in agreement with him, while Rachel . . . Well, Rachel had crossed to the dark side with Levi. She’d probably agree too, dammit.

  Besides, if she told them about Gideon’s massive safety overreaction, she’d then also have to tell them about her father, and she really didn’t want to get into that yet.

  “I feel dramatic,” Zoe said lamely. “Maybe it’s PMS.”

  Rachel’s expression softened. “Or maybe it’s something else?”

  Oh great, she knew that look. If her friend mentioned Gideon, she was going to walk right out of here. She did not want to talk about her crush on him with anyone. Especially when what had happened two days ago had only shown her how woefully unprepared she was to handle any guy like him.

  “It’s nothing else,” she said, knowing she sounded bad-tempered and yet not really sure how to deal with it.

  Rachel’s expression said it all though. She knew Zoe was full of bullshit. “So how are you and Gideon?”

  Zoe looked toward the door. Would walking out be rude? It probably would be, especially considering Rachel had come over with the clothes. “It’s fine,” she lied, forcing herself to smile. “It’s all good.”

  Rachel cocked her head, her dark eyes searching. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay.”

  Zoe could feel herself coloring yet again. But at least her friend had offered her an out. “I don’t think I want to talk about it.”

  “Fair enough.” The look on Rachel’s face was sympathetic, which was horrible. “But you know, if you do . . .”

  She bit her lip. Normally she had no issues with talking to her friends about anything, but this thing with Gideon was different. In fact, Gideon was the first person she went to whenever she had a problem, and the fact she couldn’t do that now was unsettling.

  Maybe you could talk to her?

  What would she say though? Rachel knew already she was crushing majorly on Gideon, and there was nothing to be done about that. No one could make people’s feelings change, not hers and certainly not Gideon’s.

  So no, talking didn’t help.

  “Thanks, Rach,” she said, because she needed to say it. “I appreciate the offer, I really do. Right now, though, I’m moving on, if you know what I mean. I just want to find a hot guy and have some fun for a change.”

  Rachel grinned, and it was good to see her smile. Things hadn’t been so great with her and Levi a few weeks back, but now the two of them were together and she looked like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Levi, too, had lost that frightening, menacing look he’d been carrying around when he’d first gotten out of jail.

  They’d definitely found something good together, something that made the two of them very, very happy.

  A shard of jealousy stuck in Zoe’s heart. She wanted that with someone. She wanted that sense of having someone to call her own. Of someone calling her his, too. Oh, she had the little family of friends Gideon had formed when they’d first settled into Royal. Levi and Zee and Rachel. But now they all had someone special. Everyone except her.

  And Gideon.

  “Zoe?” Rachel’s smile had faded. “You sure you don’t want to talk about anything?”

  With an effort, Zoe dismissed her pathetic thoughts. “No, it’s okay.” She took a breath. “So what do you think of this outfit? Will it do?”

  Rachel gave her another once-over. “You got a nice bra to wear under that?”

  She had one item of sexy lingerie. A gold lace bra she’d bought online a year or so ago, when she’d thought seducing Gideon might work. It had been a stupid idea and, even despite the bra, had only ended up gi
ving her more grief.

  She’d found a cheap dress that looked more trashy than sexy, put it on over the lingerie, and had followed Gideon to Gino’s, Royal Road’s local bar not far from the garage, intending to get drunk and seduce him there.

  But he hadn’t been inside. She’d gone out the back in search of him, only to find him in the alley behind the bar with one of the waitresses. He hadn’t seen her, but she’d seen him. He’d been up against the wall with the waitress and there had been no doubt about what they were doing. The waitress’s skirt was up around her hips and Gideon’s jeans had been undone....

  She shouldn’t have watched, but she hadn’t been able to stop herself, mesmerized by the fierce pleasure on his face. It was an expression she’d never seen before, and it had felt like she’d glimpsed a secret, hidden part of him.

  A part of him she’d never seen again.

  She’d abandoned her seduction plans after that and had gone home alone, because obviously there was no point. He’d wanted the waitress, not her. But in her bed, much later, she’d reached for the toy she’d bought secretly online and kept under a pile of tampon boxes in her nightstand. And she’d imagined herself as the waitress.

  “I have something,” she said thickly, pushing away the memories.

  Rachel said nothing, only looking at her.

  “What?” Zoe asked, trying not to sound defensive and failing. “It’s gold and it’s—”

  “Don’t throw it away, Zoe,” Rachel interrupted quietly.

  Zoe blinked at her. “Throw what away?”

  “Your virginity.” The other woman’s gaze was very direct. “Don’t give it to some guy just because you don’t want it anymore. It’s precious. It’s a gift.”

  Her cheeks felt hot and she had to look away, fixing her attention on the leather skirt, smoothing it down. It wasn’t bad advice. Except the problem with it was that there was only one man she wanted to give that gift to.

  And he didn’t want it.

  So what else could she do? Keep saving it until she finally found someone she wanted as much as Gideon? Or find someone who was hot and wasn’t a douche bag and give it to him instead?

  Fact was, she wasn’t going to find anyone she wanted as much as Gideon and she was done waiting. Which left her with the hot douche bag option.

  “I’m not giving it to ‘some guy,’” she muttered. “I’m going to find someone I’m attracted to and hopefully he’ll know what he’s doing.”

  Rachel sighed. “I’m not saying this to bring you down. I just know from experience and I don’t want you ending up regretting it like I did.”

  Zoe finally looked up and met the other woman’s gaze. “I won’t regret it. The only thing I’ll regret is not doing something about it when I had the chance.”

  But there was too much knowledge in her friend’s eyes. “I know who you’re waiting for.”

  “Rach, please don’t—”

  “Sometimes when they’re that blind, you have to make them see.”

  Zoe swallowed, her throat feeling tight. Easy for her to say. Levi wasn’t her foster brother. “Like I said, I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Rachel lifted a shoulder. “Suit yourself. You want to try anything else? Because I seriously think you should go with that.”

  * * *

  Gideon leaned his hip against the workshop counter and looked down at the plans Levi had spread out on them. They were from the architect they’d hired to draw up some concept ideas for the Royal Road development the six of them were planning, and Levi had only just picked them up today.

  “I showed them to Rachel before,” Levi was saying. “She really likes what the architect’s done with her building. Especially getting rid of the parking lot beside it and turning the space into a park.”

  Gideon stared at the plans. The development project he’d encouraged Levi and Rachel to start on was something he’d often thought about himself. This neighborhood and the people in it meant a lot to him. It had been his shelter, his refuge. His home for over ten years, and he was fully invested in the place. Certainly more so than he’d ever been in Chicago.

  The development they’d planned wasn’t of the blind, knock-everything-down-and-let-God-sort-it-out school of development that shitheads like Novak were graduates of, but of a more careful, thoughtful sort. They wanted to be true to the neighborhood and its people. It was about making a more pleasant and safer environment for them, not for rich yuppies looking for less expensive housing options.

  It was going to cost them shitloads of course, but Levi had money from his investments and Gideon had cash from . . . other things. Things the rest of them didn’t know about and that he wasn’t going to tell them.

  No one needed to know about his past. Especially since it was over and done with.

  Not as over and done with as you thought, with Novak hanging around.

  Gideon’s jaw hardened.

  He’d had some contacts keep their eyes out for Novak, but so far the guy hadn’t shown his face in Royal for a couple of days. Didn’t mean he’d gone, though, and Gideon wasn’t stupid enough to believe the guy had suddenly lost interest. Assholes like Novak didn’t do anything without calculation, so there was something going on, Gideon was positive.

  He kept his gaze on the plans. “Looks good,” he said, and it did. The architect Levi had hired had done a great job. “And I’m with Rachel. Royal could use a nice park.”

  Royal didn’t have one at all and that had probably been for the best, considering the drug dealers and gangs that used to plague the neighborhood. However, Gideon had dealt with that issue over the years, and these days the dealers and the rest steered clear of Royal, going for easier pickings farther out.

  He hesitated. “You know if Novak’s still keeping tabs on this?”

  Levi shrugged one massive shoulder, the late afternoon sun coming through one of the garage’s grimy window panes, making the ring in his eyebrow glint. “I don’t think so. Any reason he would?”

  Gideon debated what to tell him. He hadn’t spoken to any of the others about Zoe and he planned on keeping it that way. She was his concern, end of story. “He was pretty pissed you cut him out of the project though, right?”

  Levi’s eyes, one dark and dilated, one silver-blue, narrowed. “He wasn’t happy, yeah. But I told him I’d had a better offer. It’s just business and he said he understood.”

  “You think he might hang around here to keep tabs on what’s happening?”

  A look of surprise crossed the other man’s face. “Why? Has he been hanging around Royal?”

  There was no reason for Levi not to know so Gideon merely nodded. “Just figuring out if you knew anything.”

  “No, got no idea.” Levi frowned. “Novak needed a project for his senatorial bid and maybe he’s still trying to find one.”

  “Well, he won’t find one here.” Gideon picked up the wrench that was lying on the counter beside him. “If you see him, find out what his deal is. I don’t like assholes hanging around our neighborhood, especially when I don’t know what they want.”

  Levi gave him a speculative look. “Why? You got something going on?”

  “No. I just don’t like assholes hanging around our neighborhood.”

  Levi’s expression told him the other man knew he was hiding something.

  Too bad. That’s how he handled shit. Especially when shit like his past came rolling unexpectedly into his present.

  “How are you and Rachel?” Gideon asked, changing the subject gracelessly.

  One corner of Levi’s mouth turned up. “Pretty good.” Which was obviously a massive understatement, given the way his expression softened at the mention of Rachel’s name.

  Gideon turned away to hide his own smile, heading over to the vintage Harley he had up on a stand. He was deeply glad his two friends had finally found each other after all this time. God knew, Levi deserved it after spending eight years in prison, and Rachel deserved it too, because she’d had it
pretty rough herself.

  Anyway, the two of them were made for each other. Gideon had known it the first time Levi had brought her along to the Royal Road Outreach Center all those years ago. It had just taken them longer to realize it themselves.

  Yeah, it was good to see Levi and Rachel settle down, like it had been good to see Zee and Tamara do the same.

  Zoe needs to find someone too.

  The thought had him scowling at the Harley before he’d even realized what he was doing. Did Zoe really need a boyfriend right now? She was young, she had plenty of time for that kind of thing.

  Don’t kid yourself that it’s about her being too young. You just don’t want to lose her.

  Gideon stared hard at the engine he was overhauling, doing his best not to listen to his overactive brain. Because it didn’t make any sense. Even if Zoe did find herself a boyfriend, losing her was something that would happen eventually. He couldn’t stop it. And sure, there would be a period of adjustment since he’d had her all to himself for so long, but he’d deal with it.

  He wouldn’t ever stand in the way of her happiness.

  “I’m going to take these round to Zee’s,” Levi said, pausing beside the Harley, the plans tucked beneath his arm. “See what he and Tamara think. You want to come along?”

  “Can’t.” He placed the wrench on a particularly stubborn bolt and gave it a sharp twist. “Promised Zoe I’d take her out tonight.”

  There was a silence.

  “Don’t you ever get tired of playing watchdog?” Levi’s tone was neutral, but Gideon didn’t need to see the other man’s face to know that the question wasn’t actually neutral at all.

  Levi had remarked on Zoe’s hero worship–crush thing before and Gideon had not appreciated the implied accusation. That he was somehow fueling it by keeping watch over her.

  He didn’t look up from the engine, trying to loosen the fucking bolt. “Was there a point you wanted to make, Levi?”

  “Not really. Just wondered when you’re going stop playing the overprotective big brother.” There was another pause. “Especially when Zoe doesn’t see you as a big brother.”