Wrong for Me Page 23

  “You haven’t been here for eight years, Levi.” It was Gideon’s turn to interrupt, and he did so quietly and utterly without mercy. “What the hell would you know about Royal now?”

  It felt like the other man had whipped out a knife and slid it between Levi’s ribs. Levi took a couple of steps toward him, unable to help himself. “What the fuck do you mean by that? It wasn’t like I had any fucking choice about it!”

  Gideon just stared at him, unmoved. “No, I know you didn’t. But whether you did or not, fact is, you’ve been away a long time. And you can’t just come in here, telling everyone what’s good for them without asking them yourself.”

  The knife in Levi’s gut twisted. He hadn’t had much of a family life, not with his mother dying when he’d been a small kid and his father being drunk most of the time while he was growing up. But he’d never felt like he didn’t belong, never felt like he was alone, not when he had Gideon and the others. Like his friendship with Rachel, it had been something he’d never questioned.

  Until now.

  Levi stared at the other man who’d always been like a big brother to him, the uncomfortable tightness in his chest becoming a painful ache. “So what are you saying? That I’m not part of Royal now? I’m not one of you?”

  The look on Gideon’s face was stony. “I can’t make you part of Royal or otherwise. That’s a choice you make yourself. And all I’m saying is that you coming here, acting as if you’ve got something to prove, isn’t going to earn you any friends.”

  “I’m not—”

  “Drop it, Levi. That’s my advice to you. Think about doing something else with those buildings. Something that doesn’t involve Novak or any of those other downtown fucks. We don’t need them, and we don’t want them. This is our neighborhood, and that’s how it’s going to stay.”

  Levi’s gut tightened, but he buried the strange hurt beneath a wave of righteous anger. “Really? Who died and made you mayor all of a sudden? Have you actually asked people in Royal what they want?” He took another step toward the other man. “Have you asked any of the store owners whether they’d like a cut of some of the money those rich dicks spend? Whether they’d like more people spending in their stores? Whether they’d like to be able to walk around at night, knowing some asshole isn’t going to hold them at gunpoint and take their wallets?”

  He didn’t know what he was trying to do, maybe make Gideon angry, get some kind of reaction from the other man, but Gideon only stared back, the hard glitter in his eyes unchanging.

  “Perhaps the real question is, why is this so important to you, Levi?” Gideon’s voice was level, betraying no hint of rage or other emotion. “Why is doing this so important that you’d piss off the people who care about you the most?” Gideon paused, his eyes narrowing. “It’s like you broke something and now you’re determined to fix it.”

  There was a tangle of emotions all caught up inside of Levi, knotted together so tightly that it was impossible to untangle and figure them all out. It was easier to focus on the one that was familiar to him, the one he knew best of all. Anger. “I didn’t break anything,” he said harshly. “And as for what I’m trying to fix, just this entire shitty neighborhood. I’ve been working toward that for fucking years, and I’m not going to stop now, so whatever it is you think of my plans, I don’t care. They’re happening, whether you like it or not.”

  Gideon said nothing for a long, uncomfortable moment, his gaze impenetrable. “Don’t kid yourself into thinking this is about Royal,” he said. “This is about you.”

  There was no answer to that, because Gideon was right. It was about Levi. About the dreams he’d had. The dreams he’d had to put on hold while he’d looked after his fucking drunk of a father.

  Another person who’d never showed his face while Levi had been in jail. It was as if Levi had been forgotten by the world, dropped down a hole and off the face of the earth, no one giving a shit.

  You know that’s not true. This is about that life you took. And the life you fucked up yourself.

  But he was too angry to consider that now. Too angry to consider anything. The only thing that made sense was the plan he had in his head. The plan that had kept him going all these years.

  “Yeah,” he said harshly, meeting Gideon’s gaze without even a flicker. “Yeah, maybe it is about me. And it’s about fucking time.”

  Gideon opened his mouth to no doubt issue some other directive or homily in the way that Gideon did, but Levi was done listening to that bullshit. “No. I’m done.”

  “Levi . . .” Gideon began.

  But Levi ignored him, stalking to the door of the garage and letting it slam shut behind him.

  * * *

  Rachel stood in the light-filled, expansive space just off the bedroom of Levi’s apartment. He’d told her to decide what kind of furniture or equipment she’d need for it since he was going to take her out to get some supplies. Make it an actual art studio, the kind she’d always dreamed of for herself.

  It should have made her deliriously happy, all things considered. And yet as she stood there, looking around, there was a part of her holding back even now. As if this was all too good to be true and she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  It was stupid. She’d told Levi everything, and they each knew where the other stood. There were no secrets between them. And yet things weren’t entirely comfortable between them either. He was trying, but he was still so angry. She could sense it, an animal prowling just beneath the surface of his skin. A great cat pacing before the bars of its cage and looking for a way out.

  She’d thought after that night at Sugar Ink that maybe the poison would have been drained from him the way it had been for her, but that didn’t seem to be the case. She’d considered pushing him for more answers, yet broaching the topic of his anger with him felt like taking the first step into a minefield, and she wasn’t ready to potentially misstep and lose a leg or an eye or anything else.

  At least not while things between them were good.

  She wandered over to the far end of the room, studying the way the light fell. She could set up an easel or something here. Or maybe get a giant canvas and lean it against the wall. Not that she was particularly set on painting. She could just as easily get a drafting table and draw here.

  She pulled a face. It was all very well, Levi’s magnanimously granting her space for a studio and telling her she could outfit it, but he was still operating on the assumptions of eight years ago, when life had been different.

  She had her own studio already; that was the problem. Her dreams had changed. He seemed to think they’d gotten narrow, that she should be aiming for more, that she should go to art school and New York and Paris, and all that shit.

  As if what she wanted to do now wasn’t good enough, as if she were settling.

  But she wasn’t settling. This was what she wanted to do. Because she wasn’t the same woman she’d been all those years ago. She was different. Levi hadn’t been there for her nor she for him, but Gideon and the others had. Royal had. And now she wanted to give back to it. And if that was all part of her guilt, then so be it. She was okay with that.

  She let out a breath, staring around the white-painted space. Levi wouldn’t be happy when she told him she didn’t want this, but he was going to have to accept it. She wasn’t the only one who needed to move on from the past.

  The door slammed out in the hallway, and she heard the heavy tread of Levi’s boots on the floorboards, coming closer.

  She turned to the doorway, and, sure enough, a minute or so later, he appeared. It only took one glance at his face to know he was in a towering fury. The force of it hit her like a blast wave from a nuclear explosion, almost knocking her flat. The lines of his beautiful face were hard, fixed, and his one light eye was as dark as the other. He looked as if he wanted to level the entire city.

  She took a couple of steps toward him, then stopped, held at bay by the fury radiating from him. “Hey, what’s up?
”

  “Nothing,” he said curtly. “Just a little disagreement with Gideon.”

  No, it had to be more than just a “little disagreement.” Especially judging from the stiffness of his shoulders, the tension in his entire posture.

  The old Rachel would have gone to him and demanded the truth, but things were still too new between them, too uncertain, and she didn’t know quite what to do.

  Of course you do. The new Rachel would demand the truth too.

  Pulling her hands out of her pockets, she closed the distance between them, coming right up to him, lifting her palms to his chest and spreading her fingers out on the warm cotton of his T-shirt. Using the warmth of her touch to let him know everything was okay.

  His gaze was fierce on hers, as if he were looking at her to take all his fury away, to help him.

  She remembered years ago, when his endless patience with his father’s binges ran short, as it did from time to time, she used to drag him out to the movies, where they could both sit in the dark and escape for a couple of hours. It was the cheapest way to forget about life for a while.

  “Want to go catch a movie?” she asked now, rubbing her thumbs over the material stretched over his chest in a soothing caress. “You look like you could do with one.”

  Unexpectedly he reached up and covered her hand with his as if he needed her touch, but the hard look on his face didn’t ease. “A movie’s not what I need right now.”

  Oh. No need to guess what he did need right now.

  Her heartbeat accelerated, a familiar tight ache building inside her. Well, she had no problem with that. Beat the hell out of the movies, that was for sure, and it was a lot more effective than actually talking about whatever was bothering him.

  “Uh huh.” She let her free hand trail down over the hard, flat plane of his stomach. “I guess this disagreement with Gideon isn’t quite so little, then?”

  There was heat in his eyes, the anger there beginning to change into something far hungrier. He slid an arm around her, his palm curving over her butt, pulling her close, one powerful thigh pushing between hers, making her breath catch. “I don’t really want to discuss Gideon right now.”

  “Yeah, I know you don’t.” She didn’t really understand why she was continuing to talk when it would be so much easier to do what he obviously wanted them to do. But somehow she found herself saying, “Maybe it would help, though?”

  A dark expression crossed his face. The hand on her butt pressed harder, forcing her more firmly against his thigh, the hard line of her zipper a subtle pressure against her clit, sending little sparks though her.

  “No,” he said, as if that were the last word on the subject. “It wouldn’t.”

  Unable to help herself, she flexed her hips, rubbing herself against him, watching the embers of heat in his eyes catch fire. No doubt about it, she liked watching his reaction to her, liked watching all that anger change, be replaced by something else. Liked being the one who changed it. Who made it better for him.

  She lifted her free hand, trailed her fingers along his jaw, stroking. “Come on. If you tell me, I’ll give you a blow job.” It was meant as a joke, and she had her reward in the faint easing of the hard line of his mouth.

  “I might consider it if I didn’t know how little it takes for you to get down on your knees and do that anyway.”

  Well, that was true. The last couple of days, she’d lost a lot of her inhibitions, creating new memories for herself. Memories of Levi instead of Evan. The taste and scent of Levi. The way he touched her, the way she touched him in turn. Reclaiming her body and her sexuality for herself.

  It had been good, so good. And yeah, she did like a bit of cock worship, as long as the cock was Levi’s.

  She looked at him, considering. “In that case, maybe I won’t. Maybe I have an urgent client instead.”

  His hand on her behind firmed, his thigh insistent. “No, you don’t.”

  Damn him. If he kept doing that she’d forget what she was doing. “Oh, come on. Gideon’s been a bear the past couple of days, so it’s no wonder—” She stopped short as Levi suddenly let her go, putting her from him with gentle but firm pressure.

  She blinked, staring at him in surprise, the rejection hurting, though she tried not to let it. “What?”

  He turned away, brushing past her to pace over to the wall then back again, his movements sharp and restless as he ran a hand through his dark, tawny hair. Then, just as suddenly he stopped and faced her, his expression fierce. “I don’t want to tell you because I don’t want to have the same argument with you that I had with him.”

  “What argument?” And then she remembered what Zoe had said that night in the tattoo studio. That Gideon had been pissed about seeing Levi showing some guys around Royal. Levi’s little “business meeting.” “Oh,” she said, as understanding began to dawn. “This is about those guys in suits, right?”

  “Yes.” The word held a note of challenge in it.

  Development. That’s what Levi had told her when he was in the tattoo chair. He wanted to develop Royal, attract a better class of people. Make it safe or some such crap. “You told him about your development plans?”

  Levi’s shoulders went back, his whole body straightening, becoming a huge, muscular wall of stony determination. He folded his arms. “Yeah, I told him. Actually, I’d prefer to have showed him my plans, but he preempted me because he saw me with Ryan and Novak.”

  Rachel frowned. “Who are they?”

  “Ryan manages my investments, and Novak’s going to be a backer. He’s going to be hosting a function for more potential investors next week too.” Levi’s expression became even stonier. “For some reason fucking Gideon doesn’t like him.”

  She had no idea why Gideon wouldn’t like whoever this Novak guy was, but she knew for a fact that he had a healthy distrust of the wealthy and the powerful. And as for Levi’s plans for Royal . . . Well, the fact that Gideon had argued with Levi about them came as no surprise. He felt as she did. That the kind of gentrification Levi was planning would only cause harm to the people already living here. The people who couldn’t afford the fancy apartments he was planning, or the big-box stores that would move in. And who eventually wouldn’t be able to afford the rents on their own apartments should the gentrification process ensure massive rent hikes the way it had in every other city in the world.

  “I’m sure it wasn’t only him Gideon didn’t like,” she said, trying to keep her voice neutral.

  Levi’s straight tawny brows drew down, the ring threaded through the left one glittering in the sunlight. “No,” he said flatly. “Gideon didn’t like my plans either.”

  “Can’t think why,” she muttered, unable to help herself.

  Instantly Levi’s expression became like granite. “Like I said, I’m not having this argument with you as well.”

  She didn’t know what to say, because she didn’t want to have that argument with him either, and the way he was standing, the look on his face—it was all very familiar to her. Uncomfortably so. He reminded her of herself when she felt threatened. Withdrawing behind her armor, the one with the spines that warned off all intruders.

  Levi’s armor didn’t have spines. His was built to withstand all assaults, standing firm and cold and immovable. Resisting everything that was thrown against it. Unbreakable.

  Why? Why did he find this threatening? What was so important about these plans of his? Yes, there was all that stuff about dreams and futures, but what was driving it?

  “This is important to you, isn’t it?” she asked carefully, because she had to do this right. Looked like she was entering the minefield whether she wanted to or not.

  “Of course it’s fucking important to me,” he said roughly. “I’ve got money invested in this.”

  “It’s not about the money though, is it?”

  “You really have to ask me that? You know what this is about.”

  She studied him. “You mean the reason you told me
or the reason you told yourself?”

  He scowled, and, just like that, all that latent anger was back on the surface, prowling around and looking for a target, looking for prey. “I expect that kind of shit from Gideon, but not you, Sunny.”

  “Oh, what? You mean the truth?” What the hell, she might as well explode a few mines.

  His arms dropped to his sides, fingers curling into fists, all aggression. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  She didn’t flinch. “Chill out. I’m not attacking you. I’m only pointing out that I’m not the only one who doesn’t like to be confronted with stuff I don’t want to think about.”

  “Stuff?” The question was almost barked out. “What stuff?”

  “The investment and development plans you have.” She kept her gaze on him. “What’s behind them? There’s something there, Levi, something you don’t want to talk about.”

  “Bullshit!” he spat. “I’m more than happy to talk about it. I’m doing it for my dad. For your gran. I’m doing it for this whole fucking neighborhood.” The cotton of his T-shirt pulled tight as he heaved in a breath. “I’m doing it for you!”

  Her heart gave a hard, thudding beat. Because there was something under the harsh words, a thin thread of what she thought was uncertainty or desperation. Something he was trying to hide, and yet it bled through all the same.

  But she knew. She understood. He was afraid.

  She went over to him and reached out, taking his white-knuckled fists in her hands, covering them gently with her fingers. “I know,” she said. “I know.”

  “Don’t fucking patronize me.” His voice was harsh, his body vibrating with tension. But he didn’t pull away.

  She tightened her fingers around his. “I’m not. But this isn’t just about me or your dad or Gran. This is about something else.” She didn’t take her gaze from his face, looking straight into his eyes. “What is it, Levi?”

  Chapter 16

  Her fingers around his were cool, but she was looking at him as if she saw something he couldn’t. And he didn’t know what that was.