Sin for Me Read online

  Just like your old man, huh?

  No, not like his old man. Maybe once, but not now. Now it wasn’t about money or violence, but keeping Zoe safe. Keeping his friends safe. The way he hadn’t managed for his mother.

  “Gideon.” Zoe’s voice was insistent, and he realized he’d been standing there, zoning out, lost in thoughts of revenge.

  He focused on her. “What?”

  The look in her eyes had changed, become worried. “Whatever it is you’re thinking of doing, don’t.”

  Jesus, what had she seen? If he wasn’t careful, he’d reveal himself to her and she’d see what a beast he was at heart.

  Wasn’t that the whole point?

  It was, but now that the moment of truth was here, he found he didn’t want her to know. Not about the extent of the bad shit in his past. Certainly not the past that involved Novak and the job he’d given Gideon. The job that involved getting rid of her mother and her mother’s blackmail threats. And he’d been going to go through with it too, until he’d found out whom he’d been sent to kill.

  But no, he couldn’t tell Zoe that. Not yet. His past was a nightmare, and he wasn’t ready for her to know about that particular darkness.

  Gideon stared down at her. “And what exactly do you think I’m going to do?”

  “I don’t know. But you look . . . angry.”

  “I am angry.” He leaned in even farther, pressing her back into the door, the soft heat of her body right up against him. “I’m fucking enraged. No one touches you, Zoe. No one threatens you, not if they don’t want me to come down on them real hard.”

  Her hands had gotten trapped between them and she gave a little struggle, trying to get them free. But he didn’t make any move to help, the desperate need to have her wrapping itself around his throat and squeezing him tight.

  She took a ragged breath. “I know, but this isn’t some idiot drug dealer. This is Novak, and he’s got money and power. He can do whatever the hell he wants.”

  “Jesus. You’ve already said yes, haven’t you?”

  Color stained her cheeks, a bright spark of anger gleaming in her eyes. “No, of course I didn’t. I told him I couldn’t give him a decision so he gave me two days to think about it.” She gave another wriggle. “Please, Gideon. Give me some space. I can’t breathe.”

  But he only released her jaw and leaned in, his forehead to hers again. “No.” His voice didn’t even sound like his it was so thick. “You don’t get any space, little one. You don’t get any distance. Not now. Not ever again. I told you you’re mine and I meant it. I’m gonna send a message to Novak, one that’ll ensure he’ll stay away from you and from Royal completely.”

  Yeah, he’d been complacent too long. Sitting here in Royal pretending the outside world didn’t exist, playing happy families with Zoe and the others. Believing she was safe, that he’d gotten her away, that he’d left Chicago and his past behind. But it was always there, that past. Biding its time, waiting for the perfect moment to fuck him up. And he couldn’t lie back and take it, couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there.

  The time had come to stop pretending, to stop thinking he’d gotten away.

  The time had come to take action.

  She’d gone still, her big golden eyes staring up into his. “What message?”

  “That doesn’t concern you.”

  “The hell it doesn’t.” Her gaze narrowed and he felt her arms slide around his waist, her fingers slipping beneath the hem of his T-shirt at the small of his back.

  Gold flared, wild and bright in her eyes. “What the hell, Gideon?”

  No prizes for guessing what she’d discovered.

  His gun.

  Chapter 13

  He was dangerous, she’d always known that, or at least sensed it. She just hadn’t realized quite how dangerous until now. Until she’d felt cold metal against the tips of her fingers instead of warm skin.

  Maybe it should have shocked her that he had a gun slipped into the waistband of his jeans, but it didn’t. It was like she’d known it from the moment she’d turned around and seen him stalking down the hallway toward her. A man with rage carved deeply into every line of his face. A man harder and colder and infinitely more dangerous in every conceivable way than the Gideon she knew.

  It had felt like the final remnants of a mask had been torn from her eyes.

  She’d always wanted to know what was behind his laid-back, chilled-out exterior, and now here it was, right in front of her. Danger. Wild fury. Lethal intent.

  Shocking and yet thrilling at the same time, because somehow she found the danger of him unbearably attractive. And then he’d pushed her up against the wall, surrounding her in all that beautiful threat, that intense heat, that wild, masculine fury, and she hadn’t been able to move for sheer relief.

  So good to be close to him, to feel him standing there between herself and the rest of the world, her armor, her defense. She’d let herself enjoy it for a while, because after her father’s cold dismissal of her, Gideon’s possessiveness was balm to her lonely soul.

  Until she’d realized the extent of his fury, seen the violence in his eyes, and what it might mean. Not for her, but for him.

  Gideon pushed himself away before she could get a good grip on the gun, leaving a sudden, cold space where his body had been.

  “Don’t.” His voice was flat. “That’s none of your fucking business.”

  “A gun is none of my business?” She blinked at him. “What the hell were you going to do with it? Shoot Novak?”

  The expression on his face had closed down. “I was going to do whatever I had to do to keep you safe.”

  “So yes, you were going to shoot him.”

  He said nothing, staring at her, and she had the abrupt, dizzying sense that she was looking into the dark eyes of a total stranger.

  “Is that what you’re going to do now?” A stupid question. That was exactly what he was going to do now, she could see it in his black gaze.

  He didn’t reply immediately, reaching around to get the gun out of his waistband, looking it over with the kind of professional ease that suggested he’d handled a gun many, many times before.

  Of course he has and you know it. You always have.

  Maybe she had. Maybe she’d always suspected that something dark lay at the heart of him. And maybe she should have found that repellent or at the very least disturbing.

  But she didn’t. It only fascinated her more.

  “I have to protect what’s mine.” Again that cold, hard voice. “That’s what it’s all about, Zoe. Because no one else fucking will.”

  Fear sent an icy thread coiling through her, and not for herself. God, if he took that gun and went out in search of Novak, and did what she was afraid he’d do . . .

  You’ll lose him.

  The thread of fear pulled unbearably tight.

  “No.” She moved forward, putting her hands out to touch him, stop him somehow. “Don’t you dare. Novak isn’t worth going to jail for.”

  His mouth curved in a smile that was as far from amused as it was possible to get. “You’d actually think I’d let myself get caught?”

  “And you don’t know that you won’t. Gideon, it’s not worth the risk.” She took a breath. “Look, I’m fine. I wasn’t hurt. And he let me go. Hell, he even dropped me off right outside the apartment.”

  But Gideon’s hard, inky gaze didn’t soften one bit. “So he knows where you live.”

  Well, she hadn’t told him so . . . yeah, he did. “He won’t hurt me, Gideon.” She tried to put all her conviction into it. “I’m his daughter.”

  “You know nothing about him. Less than nothing.” He slipped the gun back into his jeans. “Get out of the way, Zoe. That fucker won’t be bothering you again.”

  “No,” she repeated, reaching for him, sliding her hands up the hard wall of his chest and around his neck. She’d never used her sexuality to get what she wanted from a guy before, but hell, at least she had a head start
with Gideon. “I’m not going to get out of your way. We were supposed to go home, remember?” She arched into him, pressing her breasts against him. “You wanted us to continue what we started in the alley.”

  He didn’t move, staring down at her, the expression on his face unchanging, but in the darkness of his eyes something glowed hot. “You think he’ll ever let you go free? You think he’ll give you money for college and you’ll never see him again? Men like that don’t forget, Zoe. Especially not when it comes to loose ends.”

  A chill whispered across her skin. “So you keep saying. And yet you never tell me how you know so much about men like him.”

  His mouth hardened, his jaw tight. “I just do.”

  Bullshit. He was holding out on her again.

  “Perhaps you should ask Mr. Black. . . .”

  Novak’s voice whispered in her head, the knowing look on his face replaying itself over and over.

  The chill became a lurching doubt. “You know him, don’t you? You know Novak?”

  There it was, a flicker in his eyes, so fast she almost mightn’t have caught it if she hadn’t been looking right up at him. He must have known she’d spotted it too, because all of a sudden his arm curled around her waist, pulling her in tight. “Best not to ask too many questions, little one,” he murmured. “Especially ones you might not like the answers to.”

  Curiosity shifted inside her, along with that doubt, both competing for space. Did she really want to push this? Did she really want to know the answers to those questions? A few days ago, yes, she definitely would have, but now . . . God, she wasn’t so sure.

  The man who’d walked down the hallway toward her, who’d handled that gun like he’d been handling weapons all his life, wasn’t the Gideon she knew. He was frightening and dangerous and . . . exciting. But it wasn’t the fact that he was dangerous that made her hesitate. Once she knew all about that Gideon, would she ever be able to go back to the man who’d represented safety and home for the past thirteen years of her life? Would she ever be able to reconcile the two?

  You already know you’re never going to be able to go back.

  “Why shouldn’t I ask questions?” She glanced up at him from beneath her lashes, deliberately provocative. This was a dangerous line of inquiry but hell, it seemed to be distracting him enough that he wasn’t heading out that door to do something to Novak. “You know everything about me. Why shouldn’t I know about you, too?”

  “I already told you, all you need to know is that Novak is sketchy as fuck and he’ll do anything to maintain his position.” Gideon’s attention dropped to her mouth, then moved farther, down her throat to where her breasts were straining against the halves of her ripped tank.

  Satisfaction began to glow inside her, along with an echo of the power she’d felt out in the alleyway earlier, where she’d seen the effect she had on him, making him totally lose his cool. She could do the same thing here, distract him from that gun and whatever vengeance he’d decided on. Because one thing was certain: She wasn’t going to let him do something stupid, not when he was carrying that gun. God, if he ended up going to jail like Levi, she didn’t know what she’d do.

  “Hmmm . . . that’s pretty bad,” she murmured, letting one hand fall to the knot between her breasts and toying with it. “Always a good quality to have in a father, right?”

  His gaze suddenly lifted to hers, then focused. “You wanted it to be different, didn’t you?”

  If you think this is going to be a father-daughter chat, then you’re sadly mistaken....

  Her gut clenched tight, but she shoved the feelings of disappointment and hurt away. She didn’t want to talk about that, not now and not with him. Anyway, this wasn’t about her and her daddy issues. This was about Gideon and whether or not he was going out to kill a man. Because it sure looked like that’s what he was going to do.

  She trailed her hand down his chest, loving the firm wall of muscle as she pressed against him, then going lower, the flex of his abs as she traced the hard ridges beneath the cotton of his shirt. “If you don’t want to talk about your past, then I sure as hell am not going to talk about my father.” Her fingers moved lower, to the waistband of his jeans. She’d never full-on touched him like this before, not with obvious sexual intent, and to be honest, she was feeling nervous and shaky about it. But he hadn’t stopped her, so she made herself go on, spreading her fingers out and then pushing her palm over the denim of his fly. He stilled, and she could feel the gradual hardening of his cock against her hand.

  A wild thrill went through her, and she glanced up, wanting to see the effect she had on him. Definitely fire in his eyes now, leaping high. And it made her feel so good, the knowledge that she had this power chasing away her earlier disappointment and hurt. “Two days,” she said quietly. “I have two days to make a decision. Which means we have time to plan something that doesn’t include . . . that gun.”

  He said nothing, only kept on looking at her, and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking, his black eyes depthless, glittering. Then his phone went off, and he reached into his back pocket and got it out, answering it without taking his eyes off her. “Yeah? No, it’s okay. We’re both back home.... Yeah, she needed to get back home quickly so we just left.... Right. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Gideon pressed a button, disconnecting the call and sticking his phone in his back pocket again. “Levi,” he said shortly. “Wanting to know if you were okay since I kind of left in a hurry.”

  “You didn’t want to tell them the truth?” She started to take her hand away from him only for his palm to come down over the back of hers, holding it right where it was.

  “No. Now’s not the time.”

  He was hot against her palm, hard, the feel of him making it difficult to concentrate. “They’re going to have to know, Gideon. Especially when it concerns Levi’s plans.”

  “You think I don’t know that? Tomorrow.” The pressure of his hand over hers increased, pressing her palm more firmly against him.

  Her breath caught. He was getting even harder, she could feel it. “What about tonight?”

  “Tonight? I told you, there’s a few lessons Novak needs to learn.”

  “What lessons?” She was pushing, but hell, she needed to know. “Are you going to kill him, Gideon?” Then, because she wasn’t above using emotional blackmail, not about this, she added, “Are you going to kill my dad?”

  The expression in his dark eyes shifted. “Zoe . . .”

  Beneath the heat slowly building inside her, a current of ice water trickled. “I didn’t think you were a killer, Gideon.” The words sounded shaky and she shouldn’t have said them, shouldn’t have named her fear so blatantly, but it was out now. She couldn’t take it back.

  The look on his face changed yet again, except this time she couldn’t read it, the silence heavy with something she didn’t understand.

  Or no, maybe she did understand. She just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

  He’s done bad things. You’ve always known he wasn’t what he seemed and deep down, you always knew it wasn’t going to be good. . . .

  Gideon’s hand over hers dropped away and he let her go, stepping back. He looked suddenly very, very tired. “Go to bed, Zoe.”

  She blinked at the suddenness of the change, her stomach lurching. “What? But I thought—”

  “No.” Lifting a hand, he scrubbed it through his thick, shaggy black hair. “Don’t argue. Just do it.”

  All her good feelings began to seep away, taking the heat with them, leaving her with nothing but that steady trickle of cold. “So that’s it? You’re just going to shut me out again?”

  You know what this means, don’t you? It means you’re right.

  But no, she didn’t want to think about that.

  You never want to think about it. That’s why you’re in this situation.

  His hand dropped, and he looked at her for one long moment. Then he reached behind himself for the gun and went over to the little table t
hat stood beside the front door, laying the weapon carefully down on the top of it.

  He didn’t say a word as he turned on his heel, or as he walked down to the hallway to his bedroom and shut the door quietly but firmly behind him.

  Leaving her standing alone in the hallway.

  * * *

  Gideon slept badly, waking at four a.m. and lying there for at least an hour trying to get back to sleep. But eventually, his brain spinning and his dick hard enough that he wasn’t going to go back to sleep anytime soon, he hauled himself out of bed and put on his running gear, electing for exercise instead of pointlessly replaying the shaky sound of Zoe’s words in the hallway the night before.

  I didn’t think you were a killer, Gideon.

  The look on her face, that fear in her voice had hit him in a vulnerable place, a place he’d thought he’d managed to keep well defended. Yet apparently not. As soon as she’d said it, he’d felt it like she’d channeled four million volts through him.

  A killer . . .

  He’d been the guy Novak had wanted to get rid of her mother, chosen for his reputation—a reputation he’d cultivated quite carefully—as an underworld heavy-for-hire, the go-to guy for men who wanted their rules enforced quickly and as violently as possible.

  It was a career he’d put behind him the moment he’d left Chicago—hell, the moment he’d walked into Zoe’s house and realized where his job had taken him, who he’d hurt, and what it would mean if he went through with it.

  He’d never actually killed anyone before, still less a woman. Yet even though he hadn’t put his gun to Zoe’s mother’s head or pulled that trigger, the fact that he’d gone to her house fully prepared to do it still made him feel like a murderer.

  Turned out that no matter how far you put the past behind you, it always caught up. In the end, there was no running from it. No hiding from it.