The Billion Dollar Bad Boy Page 12

  No one knew the stains he had on his soul.

  “You can’t be in love with me,” he said flatly. “It’s just good sex, that’s all it is.”

  “That’s not all it is and you know it, Donovan.”

  She stood so close, naked and warm, the sheet still wrapped around her gorgeous curves, her hair in a glorious red fall down her back. And he wanted her so much it hurt.

  But he couldn’t have her. He couldn’t take what she was offering. “You’re fooling yourself, darling.” He put as much carelessness as he could in his tone. “A couple of good orgasms don’t mean love, you understand that, don’t you?”

  Her gaze seemed to see through him, sharp as a laser beam through clouds. “And why am I fooling myself? Why can’t I be in love with you?”

  “A washed up playboy and ex-manwhore? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  . “That’s not who you are, Donovan.”

  “Isn’t it? What else am I then?”

  Victoria closed the distance between them, reaching for him, and he let her, steeling himself. Telling himself it didn’t matter. Her hands cupped his face and her touch made him want to fall to his knees in front of her. But he didn’t, he only stared at her as she said, “You’re the man I saw last night. Passionate, intense. Thoughtful. Kind. Protective. A good man. A man who feels deeply about things, who thinks about things. You care, Donovan.”

  Fuck, he wanted to believe her. Wanted to so much. Wanted to be the man she saw, the man he was with her, and not the man he wasn’t. But he couldn’t let himself. Love was never given to you like that, never handed on a plate to you without you having to do something for it first. And if turned out that she was lying after all … He would break. Completely.

  Which meant he had to get her out of here once and for all.

  “You think you know me, darling?” he said softly. “You don’t.” He took her wrists and pulled her hands away from his face. “That man you saw last night, he doesn’t exist. He’s an act.”

  Something flared in her eyes. Pain. “No, he wasn’t.”

  Donovan made himself laugh. “Yes, he was. He’s not real. I just gave you what you wanted to see. That’s how I get women into bed. And it works. I mean, it worked with you.”

  She was staring at him, searching his face, searching for something that wasn’t there.

  He smiled, ignoring the way something seemed to break inside him, and reached out, gripping her hips and pulling her to him. “Look all you want, princess. That man you’re after isn’t there. This is the kind of man I really am. Now, are you going to get rid of that sheet so we can keep fucking or are you going to stand there whining about love for the next ten minutes?”

  Anguish flashed across her face, so sharp it seemed to cut him in two. “Maybe you’re right,” she said softly. “Maybe this is the kind of man you are.” She took another breath. “A coward.”

  He took the hit because shit, she was right. He laughed to cover the fact that despite his best intentions, she’d ended up shattering him anyway. “Damn straight, princess. Now get into bed.”

  And like he hoped, she pulled away. Violently. “No, I don’t think I will, thank you very much.”

  He let her go, watching her as she went to the bedroom door and pulled it open. “Good-bye, Mr. Morrow,” she said in a voice empty of any expression at all. “Thank you for last night. It was … interesting.”

  Then without a backward glance she went out.

  Donovan didn’t follow her. He waited until the front door of his apartment slammed shut, then he picked up the alarm clock from the side of his bed, ripped the cord from the wall, and flung it against the mirrored doors of his closet with all his strength.

  The doors shattered, leaving shards of glass glittering on the carpet.

  Jesus, he felt as broken as those doors, the shards of himself as sharp as that glass.

  Restlessly he moved, going out of the bedroom and stalking down the hallway to the lounge. He didn’t have time to stand around thinking about her and what had happened. He had a meeting with Jax, and his brother was going to fucking listen. That land was his and it was going to stay his.

  Yet when he got to the lounge he had to stop and take a breath, because there were reminders of Victoria everywhere. Naked on his couch, red hair spilling everywhere. Standing near the windows, her eyes full of sympathy as he’d told her about his father. Arguing with him as they discussed his plans. Laughing as he teased her about her love of cozy mystery stories.

  He’d invited her into his personal space and now she’d left the indelible mark of her presence.

  Fuck. He was probably going to have to move.

  Trying to ignore the feeling, he went over to the coffee table where the plans were still laid out. The plans covered with his scribbling. And Victoria’s.

  And he stopped, his gut aching, his chest tight.

  Those plans. That land. His recompense for all the shit he’d had to do. His birthright.

  Your salvation.

  He took a breath, staring at them. And he knew with blinding clarity that yes, that’s what he’d wanted them for. He’d hoped they would save him. That once he had them, he wouldn’t feel so used. So dirty. That he was worth something.

  But they wouldn’t. Because they wouldn’t make him feel the way Victoria made him feel.

  You’re passionate and intense. Protective and kind. A good man …

  The man he was with her.

  A man she loved.

  He sat down on the couch, ran his hands through his hair. They were shaking but he didn’t even notice.

  Love was a lie, or so he’d always told himself. But … what if it wasn’t? What if he trusted her enough to believe her? Christ, he wanted to. Wanted to with every breath in his body. But he was terribly afraid the man she loved wasn’t real. That he didn’t exist.

  The fear made his mouth go dry. He hadn’t felt this way since the day he’d told Patrick he was leaving the company. And Patrick hadn’t tried to convince him to stay, only let him go. Like a tool he no longer had any use for. Making Donovan realize that everything he’d ever done for his father didn’t matter. That his father didn’t care. His father didn’t give a shit about him.

  He swallowed, heart thumping in his chest. Could he risk that kind of rejection again? And why was the thought of it coming from her so terrifying?

  You know why. For the same reason you sent her away.

  Because he loved her. Because he could take a rejection from anyone else but he couldn’t take it from her.

  His gaze dropped to the plans on the table once more. Plans that incorporated a terrible past with an accepting present, allowing both to move toward a bright future …

  And all at once he knew exactly what to do.

  *

  “What’s this?” Jax eyed the folder Donovan had thrown on his desk.

  “It’s a folder. What does it look like?”

  Jax frowned and flicked it open, scanning the document inside. “Jesus, Van,” he said. “I thought you said the De Winters were coming in with a better offer.”

  “You wanted it sold so I sold it.”

  His brother leaned back in his chair. “I didn’t think you wanted to sell?”

  “I changed my mind.”

  “Sure, you did.”

  Donovan looked him in the eye. “I want you to shut up, Jax. I want you to shut up and listen to me for once in your goddamned life.”

  Jax stared at him, blue eyes in narrow slits. “Okay then,” he said at last. “Get it off your chest whatever it is.”

  Donovan folded his arms. “You didn’t know what I did for Dad, did you? Before I left Morrow?”

  “Weren’t you starting the PR stuff for him?”

  “No,” he said flatly. “I wasn’t. I was his spy. And sometimes that involved sleeping with people in return for corporate secrets.”

  Jax blinked. “What? Holy shit, Van, I didn’t—”

  “Know? Of course you didn’
t. He never told anyone and neither did I. It was my and Dad’s little secret. And I kept that secret, kept doing his dirty work, because I was desperate to fit in. To get his respect. To be a real Morrow, like you and Sean.”

  There was shock on his brother’s face. “What the hell are you talking about? You are a real Morrow.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m not the hard man like you. Or the tough outsider like Sean. I was the kid who toed the line. Who wanted to please people. Who read lots of books and got good grades, the damn teacher’s pet.”

  Jax frowned. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

  “Tell Dad that.”

  “Van—”

  “I haven’t finished.” He took a breath. “I didn’t want to sell the land because I wanted something back for all the shit I went through for this family. You had the company so I wanted something for myself. Deep down, I was hoping that land would save me, make me feel better about what I did for Dad. But it won’t. The land is just land and it won’t make me feel anything, which means I don’t need it anymore.” He nodded toward the folder sitting on the desk. “I’ve added a caveat. The sale is conditional on Victoria de Winter’s plans being used.”

  His brother’s jaw tightened. “Really? Any special reason?”

  “Because she’s my salvation. She’s the reason I don’t need it anymore.”

  For a minute his brother just stared at him. “Jesus. You’re in love?”

  “Yeah, Jax. I’m in love. She’s intelligent, perceptive, and talented as hell. And I know she’ll do right by the land.”

  “That was … fast.”

  “Says the man who got engaged to a woman he’d only known a week.”

  “Van—”

  “Still haven’t finished.” Donovan threw down the second folder he’d been holding. “I found Sean.”

  There was open shock on his brother’s face. “Fuck, you did?”

  “It’s all there in black and white.”

  “But—”

  “I’d love to stay and chat, really I would but”—he looked down at his Rolex and checked the time—“I have a princess to court.” He turned and went to the office door, pausing just once to look back at his brother. “Oh, and Jax? Bring him home.”

  *

  Cameron de Winter looked positively gleeful. “I’ll forget about your broken engagement now that this has come through. Looks like I made the right decision to trust you to handle this, Victoria. This is going to be incredibly lucrative for us, you realize that, don’t you? This is going to get us out of the red for good.”

  Victoria stood in front of her father’s desk, her hands clasped. Not listening as he talked on and on. Mainly because all she could hear was Donovan’s deep voice in her ear as he’d delivered the good news: the deal was hers.

  It should have been a moment of triumph. But triumph was the last thing she’d felt. He didn’t mention their abortive night together. He didn’t say anything personal whatsoever. He might as well have been a stranger.

  It was like a knife sliding into her.

  “This has been a long time coming,” Cameron said, smiling. “But I think you’ve finally earned yourself a place in the boardroom.”

  That man doesn’t exist.

  He was lying, of course he was lying. He was protecting himself as he did so well. But what more could she do? She’d laid herself bare to him, told him she loved him and he’d pushed her away.

  There was nothing more she could do.

  “Well, Victoria?” Her father raised his eyebrows. “What do you think?”

  “Great,” she said, trying to sound enthusiastic because this was the culmination of her dreams. A triumphant success. A place in the boardroom and her father’s approval. What more could she ask for?

  Your father’s love. Without having to ask for it or do anything for it. Just because you’re you.

  “You could be a little more keen on the idea,” Cameron said. “I thought this was what you wanted.”

  “It is. Of course it is.”

  “Well then.”

  She swallowed. “You had an awful lot of … tasks for me to fulfill.”

  “Everyone has to earn their way to the top, Victoria. I can’t just hand it out on a platter.”

  “You were going to for Marc.”

  Her father’s jaw tightened. “Your brother’s different.”

  “Why?” She should never have asked these questions, but now she was going down this road, she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “How is he different?”

  “Because he’s …”

  “Because he’s your blood, isn’t he?” She took a breath. “And I’m not.”

  Cameron frowned. “It’s not like that.”

  “Isn’t it? I worked my butt off for you, Dad. For years. Harder than Marc. Harder than anyone in this damn company, trying to pass all the tests you kept throwing at me. But it’s not me you really want, is it?”

  Her father glowered. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Victoria.”

  “You never really wanted me, did you?”

  A red flush crept over his cheeks. “Some things you’re born into. And some you have to earn.”

  Ah, so, finally. An acknowledgement. “So I have to earn your love because I wasn’t born your daughter?”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  She stared at him. “Yes, it is. You never really loved me. I was only ever a favor you did for Mom.”

  His expression closed up. He reached out and began shuffling papers around on his desk. “I think this conversation is over, Victoria.”

  She’d always thought hearing the truth would be the end of the world. But for some reason it didn’t feel like that. It felt like a beginning. She didn’t need his approval, she’d never needed his approval.

  She wasn’t a de Winter. No, she was more than that.

  Victoria let out a long, silent breath. “Dad. I’m sorry, but you’ll have my resignation on your desk by this time tomorrow.”

  “What?”

  She didn’t reply, turning and heading for the door.

  “Victoria! Don’t you dare walk away from me.”

  She kept on walking, throwing open the door and striding out into the waiting area near his office.

  And stopped dead.

  A tall, extraordinarily handsome man was standing by the windows, watching her.

  “Donovan?”

  He came toward her, blue-green eyes intent, and she inhaled sharply. Because he didn’t stop, not even when he was close. He just reached out and pulled her into his arms. One hand tangled in her hair, tugging her head back, then he bent and covered her mouth with his.

  For a second her brain blanked in shock. Then the heat of him rushed through her, warming up everything that had frozen the moment she’d left his apartment, and helplessly she opened her mouth, kissing him back as hungrily as he was kissing her.

  Hours, or possibly seconds later, he lifted his head, his expression so fierce it locked all her questions in her throat. “I’m sorry,” he said huskily. “I’m sorry for everything that I said to you this morning. I’m sorry for everything that I did. But most of all I’m sorry for letting you walk out that door.”

  She put her hands on his chest, holding herself away a little. “I don’t understand. What are you doing here?”

  “I’m here because I love you.”

  Her heart seemed to still inside her chest. “But I thought—”

  “I was wrong, Victoria. Turns out you were right, I was a coward. I’ve never had anyone just come out and say they loved me and I didn’t want to believe that it was true. I was afraid to trust it.” He searched her face. “Because I was afraid that the man you said you loved didn’t exist.”

  Her throat closed up. “Donovan …”

  “But then I realized something.” He lifted his hands, cupped her face between his palms. “I realized that even if that man didn’t exist, I wanted to be him. I wanted to be the man you told me I was. The man you
loved. And I wanted that more than I ever thought possible.” His thumbs caressed her cheek. “You gave me a taste of something real, gave me something to care about and … I want it.” He took a shaky-sounding breath. “You asked for love and I want to be the man who gives it to you because God knows, you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

  The breath escaped her entirely, her throat thick with emotion. Stupidly all she could think about was his phone call earlier, the one ceding her the deal, where he’d sounded so impersonal. “But on the phone today—”

  “I had a roomful of people. I had to sound professional.”

  “And the deal?”

  He smiled and it wasn’t empty or meaningless. “I don’t need it anymore.”

  “Why not? I thought that was your birthright?”

  “I thought it was, too. But it’s not going to make me feel better about what I did for Dad. It’s not going to fill the holes in my soul.” He paused and a hint of uncertainty, of vulnerability crept into his eyes. “Only you can do that. If you’ll have me.”

  “What the hell is going on?” Her father’s voice came from behind her. “Morrow? What are you doing here?”f Donovan didn’t look at her father. He only looked at her.

  She blinked back the tears in her eyes. Her heart felt full, aching in her chest.

  If she went with Donovan now she would be turning her back on her father. Because he would never forgive her for being with a Morrow. She could kiss good-bye her career at De Winter forever.

  Is that even a choice?

  No. Of course it wasn’t.

  She didn’t turn around. . “You damn idiot. Of course I’ll have you. I think I’ve been in love with you since I kissed you in the elevator.”

  Green flared in his gaze, brilliant as emeralds.

  “Victoria?” her father demanded. “What’s going on?”

  Donovan strode forward and before she could protest, he’d picked her up into his arms. “What does it look like?” he said as he turned toward the elevators. “I’m staging a hostile takeover.”